Gathering for or hosting a large family get-together during the holidays is like going through childbirth for the second time. You forget how painful it can be.

Once September rolls around, and the bills from the last holiday season are finally paid-off, we forget how stressful we felt during the months of November and December. In an effort to keep positive relationships with family and friends, we begin to plan for the next holiday season.

However, the holidays don't have to stress you out or put you in a "holidaze." Here are some easy and helpful hints to keep in mind as you prepare for the season.

Take Turns with Relatives. If you and your spouse want to celebrate with members of both of your families, compromise and take turns. Celebrate Thanksgiving with one side and Christmas or Hanukah with the other. If this is not possible, take turns on a yearly basis. Let both sides of the family know that they are equally important to you and that you want to be able to spend quality time with each of them.

Host a Gathering at Your Home. Sometimes traveling long, or even short distances, can be difficult, especially for families with young children. If this is the case, invite your family and friends to celebrate the occasion at your home. If done right, you can greatly reduce your stress level and enjoy the comfort of being in your own home. Here are some tips to help you:

• Make Assignments. There's no need for you to create a five-course meal all on your own. Let your guests know that you are happy to prepare the main dish (e.g., turkey, ham, etc.) but ask family or friends who are coming from short distances to bring a dish to share. Be sure to assign something specific like appetizers, vegetables, or dessert so that you don't end up with 10 pumpkin pies and no side of stuffing!
  
  
• Don't Stress About Decorations. If you are not a clone of Martha Stewart, or you don't have matching china for 12, don't worry! This is a time to gather with people you care about and the warmth should radiate from each other - not the fancy Christmas lights. If children are part of the celebration, put them in charge of decorating. Children often create wonderful holiday pieces at school. Ask them to bring their creations and share with the group. Not only will you decorate your home, but this could start a whole new family tradition!
  
  
• Make Arrangements at a Hotel. If you don't have enough space in your home to accommodate overnight guests, or you believe it would simply be better to allow everyone to have their own space after a long day of togetherness, make arrangements at a nearby hotel. If you have a large gathering, special room rates may be available if you call the hotel directly. Be sure to send your guests a list of local hotels, any group rates you have secured, and the phone numbers for them to call and make reservations. With over 750 locations throughout North America, Americas Best Value Inn is your "spare guestroom!"
  
  
• Ask for Help. You simply can't do it all on your own. Sometimes people are so happy to see each other and reconnect that they neglect to ask the host or hostess if there is anything they can do to help. Don't wait for someone to come to you. If the garbage needs to be emptied or dishes cleared from the table, there is nothing wrong with kindly asking someone to help you. Most people are more than happy to assist if you simply ask. Make sure spouses and children are aware of your expectations well ahead of time. This will prevent the "Oh Mom, do I have to?" response when your son is in the middle of a game or conversation!

Be a Great Guest!
If you and your family are invited to attend a holiday gathering, here are some helpful tips to make sure you'll be asked back next year!

• RSVP as Soon as Possible. Hosts need to know how many people to plan for. Regardless if you plan to attend or not, you need to notify your host of your intentions as soon as possible. Don't assume the host already knows or that your second cousin called for you. It takes two minutes to pick up the phone and confirm.
  
  
• Offer to Bring Something. If the host has not assigned you something to bring, call and ask what you can do to help. If you make an incredible pumpkin pie - offer to bring it! Many people are afraid to ask for help, but by offering in advance, you will lighten their stress level.
  
  
• Be on Time. There is nothing more frustrating than having to hold dinner for a late guest. If you are running late, please call and let your host know. If you are going to be more than a few minutes late, let the host know that dinner can start without you.
  
  
• Help Out. If you see something that needs to be done, like emptying the garbage or replacing the toilet paper roll, take the initiative and do it - don't wait for the host to do it. Be sure to approach the host once or twice and ask what you can do to help.
  
  
• Don't Have Expectations that are too High. You are a guest in someone else's home. Regardless of how you do it in your home, you should make every attempt to go with the flow. If the host wants to watch football in the afternoon, do not ask to turn the channel. If the family wants to play charades after dinner, get involved! This is an excellent opportunity to be a part of someone else's traditions and you may find some that you want to start with your own family!
  
  
• Keep Conflicts to a Minimum. You can't please all the people all the time. If there is another person with whom you do not get along attending the same event, keep your interactions to a minimum. You can be friendly without having to spend a good deal of time together. Keep alcohol intake to a minimum as this can sometimes cause people to say things they otherwise wouldn't. If it gets to be too much, simply excuse yourself from the situation and take a walk.
  
  
• Make Arrangements at a Hotel. If you are invited to spend the night, or several nights, offer to make arrangements at a nearby hotel. Many people have their own habits and schedules and it will be less stressful for everyone if each person is able to retreat to his or her own space when needed. This way, a crying baby won't wake the house and grandpa's need to watch the television (loudly!) during bouts of insomnia won't drive everyone crazy! With over 750 locations throughout North America, make Americas Best Value Inn your spare guestroom!
  
  
• Send a Thank You Note. Once your visit is complete and you are home again, take a moment to send your host a thank you note. Let her know how much you appreciate her hospitality. A small, yet genuine, thank you - even if it's e-mailed, can go a long way!

Finally, remember that Stressed spelled backwards is Desserts! So the next time you feel the urge to argue with your brother-in-law at the dinner table, simply place another piece of pumpkin pie into your mouth! What the heck - it's the holidays!